


Do as you will (my wish is your command)

by Bagheera



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-19
Updated: 2010-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 07:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bagheera/pseuds/Bagheera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as I can tell, canon never tells us how Cordelia and her mother reconciled after Cordelia's hasty departure from Beta Colony, or how Mrs. Naismith came to accept Aral Vorkosigan as her son-in-law. This is set at the end of “Barrayar”, when Miles is still a baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do as you will (my wish is your command)

Even if she hadn't known Aral better than anyone, Cordelia would have seen that he was nervous. She knew it because she felt queasy herself. It was an odd kind of panic, tinged with impatience and joy to see her mother again. They were waiting for Mrs. Naismith at the Vorbarr Sultana shuttleport.

"There's not much that can go wrong," Cordelia said.

"We can hardly make it worse, you mean," Lord Vorkosigan corrected her with a wry smile. "Your mother already thinks the worst of Barrayar and me."

"Do you think we should introduce her to your father? The contrast might be favourable," Cordelia joked. Personally, she'd already made a list of people her mother should be introduced to, besides Aral and Miles. Drou and Kou were on it, as proof that there could be strong women and happy marriages on Barrayar, too. Lady Vorpatril, because she was the best Barrayaran diplomat Cordelia knew. Simon Illyan, because he had requested a meeting, and would certainly be there when Mrs. Naismith met Emperor Gregor. Illyan was an unusual Barrayaran in almost every way, and so was his relationship to the Regent. And then there was Gregor, of course. Perhaps, meeting Gregor would be the most important lesson on Barrayar for her mother. To see the potential of this place, both in good and bad. To see what could and needed to be done here.

A light changing from red to green heralded the arrival of Mrs. Naismith's flight. Aral straightened and stiffened to parade rest next to her, but he seemed grateful when she put her arm through his, softening his posture. "Just be yourself," Lady Vorkosigan advised.

His expression grew clouded, and she could almost hear him think about the things he thought he was: a murderer, a fraud, a failure when it came to protecting his son and his wife. Cordelia caught his eyes, facing down his gloomy thoughts. "There's nothing Betans dislike more than dishonesty. Be yourself isn't just an ideal on Beta Colony. It's almost a law."

Aral looked as if he would argue, but they didn't have time. Cordelia spotted her mother, and at the sight of her, all of her own doubts and reservations vanished. She let go of Aral and walked as quickly as she could to her mother, sweeping her up in a tight hug. It was returned immediately, and she laughed at herself for ever doubting whether it would be. "My dear," Elizabeth Naismith whispered into Cordelia's hair, "my darling girl."

*

"Is your mother comfortable?"

Aral seemed frustrated that he couldn't send an army of servants to make sure that Mrs. Naismith was treated like a queen. Cordelia had insisted on taking care of her mother herself, because she knew how bewildering Barrayaran class structure could be. "You're doing fine," she assured him with a tired but relieved smile. "We're all doing fine. I think she dropped to sleep right away." At his questioning look, Cordelia added, "She doesn't trust you, not yet, but you've surprised her. And which grandmother could resist her only grandson?" Introducing her mother to Miles had been the happiest moment in her life for weeks. Cordelia hadn't realised how tense and defensive of Miles she'd become until her mother's unconditional acceptance of him. She curled up next to her husband on the bed, too lazy and happy to undress just yet.

"She isn't what I expected, either." At the inquiring raise of her brows, Aral elaborated, "Much less... Betan than you."

Cordelia laughed. "You got it all wrong. I'm much less Betan than her, actually. If you knew any Betans besides me, you'd know that I'm actually a very bad example."

Aral looked indignant on her behalf, and Cordelia laughed harder. "No, really. I'm a very bad Betan. Always was. Just ask my mother. Do you know what my favourite kind of book was when I was a child?"

"Adventure?" he guessed.

"I knew you'd say that. I did like adventure, it's true. Especially when there were monsters or injustice to be fought. But when I grew older, my absolute favourite were romances. Don't look at me that way, it's true. Do you have any idea how odd that is for a Betan? Romance is a dead genre on Beta Colony. There's nothing to write about. No obstacles to be overcome, no misunderstandings in a society where everyone is honest and direct. I guess there isn't a lot of adversity in Betan literature in general. It's all 'can do' and optimism."

"Sounds pleasant," he said blankly.

"A polite way of saying 'dead boring'. There's a reason we're known as great scientists and engineers, and not as great artists of any kind."

"So you were a deviant, dear Captain, reading those romance novels?" he asked, clearly not quite taking her seriously on this.

"A bit of a freak, at least. My mother always hoped I would grow out of it. She said I was a little Don Quichote." He looked blank, so she explained, "He's a mad knight who goes out to fight windmills because he thinks they're giants."

"Oh, that story. We have it on Barrayar, too."

"Don Vorquichote?" Cordelia grinned. Barrayaran bastardisations of classical literature always amused her. He glowered, but it was a humorous glower. Then he grew serious again.

"So 'be yourself' is just hypocrisy, after all?"

Cordelia wasn't as big as believer in Beta as she had once been, before they had tried to put her into therapy for loving this man. Compared to Barrayar, Beta was almost paradise, but compared to its own standards, it now seemed far less enlightened to her. Still, she wanted to do Beta justice. "It all depends on what 'be yourself' means to you. It's not an invitation to radical individualism. On Beta Colony, 'be yourself' doesn't always mean 'be the person you are'. Very often, it means, 'be the best you that you could be'. Betans believe in free will, and where willpower isn't enough, there's always therapy. "

"That's worse than Barrayar," he said. "At least here they leave you alone if you're good enough at pretending."

"It's not a bad system, Aral. It works for most people. And it's something that grew historically. Beta Colony's founders were radicals. What they really wanted was anarchy."

"How could anyone want anarchy?" he asked, horrified. "You've seen what happens during a revolution."

"I'm not talking about the Barrayaran version of anarchy - that's just chaos and murder. But politically speaking, anarchy is simply the absence of hierarchical power structures. What our founders realised was that true anarchy can only work in an ideal state where everyone is as good and moral as they can possibly be. Absolute freedom is only a good thing if no one is tempted to abuse it. They believed that therapy and the right upbringing could ensure that. And Beta is doing well in some areas. There isn't really any rule for sex except the big one - do as you will an it harm none." She thought about it, perhaps reflecting on it for the first time in her life. "I guess our rules for sex apply for most areas of life. Safe, sane, consensual is always a good thing."

"Most Barrayarans would probably call their sex safe, sane and consensual," Aral pointed out.

"Was yours?" she countered. "Before you met me - or after?"

He smiled a bit crookedly, not quite looking at her. "I guess I'm not a very good Barrayaran, either."

"Mmm. A pair of perverts, that's us." She kissed him.

*

Eventually, they had to introduce Cordelia's mother to the social life of the High Vor. Elizabeth Naismith was a curiosity at the ball, but people kept their distance. Most of the social contact was mediated by Alys Vorpatril. "Tell me again why this woman isn't an ambassador?" Mrs. Naismith whispered to her daughter when Cordelia finally took her out of Alys's competent hands to seek a quiet corner.

"I think she has more important duties here in Vorbarr Sultana," Cordelia said thoughtfully. She caught her mother watching the Vor crowd, her eyes never far from Aral. "What do you think?"

"Of Vorkosigan?" Mrs. Naismith still called him that. "I can't decide whether he's bewitched half of the men in the room, or whether they're in love with him - even those that seem to be terrified of him."

Cordelia smirked. "The latter. And congratulations, you're starting to understand Vor, Mom." She, too watched Aral mingle. His rugged, impressive charm was on full force tonight. "Though it's probably also because he subconsciously flirts with some of them."

"Does he." The older woman's brows rose. "I thought that was unacceptable on Barrayar?"

"The sexual mores of the Vor are much more complicated than they'd like you to think. Some of the things Alys told me - - but Aral is a special case. He didn't worry very much about his public facade before we met. No one would mention it now that he's Regent, but he used to be somewhat infamous."

"He still is, dear. Outside of Barrayar, at least." Her mother looked at her worriedly. "Do you actually think being bisexual makes him less Barrayaran than he is?"

Cordelia snorted. "No. It just means he doesn't always care what others think."

"And that doesn't worry you?"

Cordelia could dismiss this question with a smile of absolute confidence. "He cares about what I think. More than anything else."

She thought she had convinced her mother, because Elizabeth Naismith remained silent for several minutes. Then she suddenly said, "I wouldn't want that much responsibility."

Surprised, Cordelia looked at her mother as if for the first time. It had always seemed so obvious to her. Hadn't her parents felt that way? "But isn't that what love means?"

*

It was the first time Aral was alone with Cordelia's mother. It was also the night before Mrs. Naismith's departure. Cordelia had planned and timed this moment, he suspected, to force him to say things that needed to be said. But it was Elizabeth who spoke first, touching her grandson's cheek. Miles, tiny and weak, slept in his cradle.

"I still want to take him back to Beta. This is no place for Miles to grow up."

"Cordelia has told you that Miles can visit you as often as he wants to, hasn't she? When he's older." And healthier, the implication was. If he ever would get healthier.

"And he will visit me," the Betan said, her voice hard as she faced him. "Don't you think I'll forget this promise. And don't you think I won't do my best to convince him that he can stay on Beta."

He looked at her gravely. "You have my word as a Vor that I will never stand in the way of him or Cordelia leaving. Even if it's for good." He would not have the strength left to do anything, if she truly wanted to leave him.

Elizabeth studied him. Her expression was a mixture of grudging respect and dislike. "No, you won't," she acknowledged sadly. "But they'll love you too much to leave." Then she smiled, and it was a grim, challenging smile. "So I invite you, Lord Vorkosigan. Come to Beta Colony with Miles and Cordelia. Maybe you'll like some of the... opportunities. Cordelia has told me that you're broad-minded enough to enjoy Beta Colony."

He had to remind himself that she was Betan, and that what she was hinting at was not his bisexuality, but that he might be an adulterer. Perhaps not even that, perhaps she simply meant that he had married Cordelia because she was exotic, and he was curious, and that he would jump at the possibility of exploring further. Most Betans didn't believe marriage had to mean monogamy, but Mrs. Naismith knew her daughter well enough to know that Cordelia wasn't a typical Betan.

"Cordelia is all the opportunity I need. But thank you for the invitation. We’ll be sure to come back to it once the political situation allows it."

It was easy to stay calm when he thought of Cordelia, and smile at her mother's deliberate provocation. Cordelia left no room for weakness and temptation. With Cordelia, there could only be free will and the need to make the right choice, to be worthy of her. It had very little to do with Barrayar or Beta.


End file.
